ridiculous

Man, I just had the DUMBEST doctor's appointment I've ever had, ever in my entire life.

As I mentioned before, I HATE the current trend of "make an appointment for us to meet you, and then make another one to actually resolve the issue". But this appointment takes the cake.

I was a few minutes late, as I'm an irresponsible cow who forgot about the appointment until 7 minutes before it's scheduled beginning. I sat down and began filling out my paperwork. I had barely begun when I was called back. The nurse came in, asked me three questions, looked at the lump I'm having removed and then left. The doctor came in 30 seconds later, had me sit on the table, looked again at the stupid lump, said that they'd have to cut it out, then gave me a piece of paper with $30 and PRN written on it and told me to check out. Someone will be calling me to schedule the actual (minor) surgical procedure, so this appointment didn't even take care of determining WHEN it might be done. Apparently, I paid $30 to fill out paperwork and to get 20 seconds of the doctor's attention, wherein she told me that it would have to be cut out (um, DUH. That's why my primary care doc forwarded me to a specialist, because she doesn't do dermatological surgery, no matter how minor.)

And so, I get to take more time off work, drive to the other side of town, pay them $30 (AGAIN), and have the damn thing removed. And instead of draining it or whatever, I get to end up with a 2 inch scar and stitches. I'm reconsidering the whole thing, except then it really would have been a complete waste of $30 (plus gas, plus time off work, plus minutes of my life I'll never get back) this first visit.

Man. I just HATE that shit. Couldn't we have done this over the phone? I have a digital camera. I can send you pictures. Why did I have to go through this hassle only to have to set up a separate appointment? What did we gain during the meeting? Was I just proving that I exist? And if so, WHY did I have to pay you $30 to do it? Pisses me off.



Anyhow, thanks for listening to the venom-purging yesterday. The stress from being back in school seems to be making it difficult for me to filter through the negativity and release it in a less-public way. It just doesn't make sense to keep pounding out the same shit on my keyboard- "this person wronged me" "that person's mean" "I hate blah-blah-whatever." I mean, sometimes, it just has to be said, but surely there is some other, more productive means for working through those issues. Sigh.

Weirdly, I think my acceptance of the impending wicked cold has made it retreat. I don't seem to have any symptoms other than a tiny bit of sinus congestion. I'm not achey like I was yesterday. Maybe it's just holding off a bit so it can hit me hardest on Friday night. Or maybe it's going away because my overwhelming awesomeness is so threatening. Who knows? I'm just enjoying the lack of illness for as long as I get to.



There seems to be a lot of writing going around right now regarding some newly reinvigorated concepts that relate to stress and it's effects on your body, including your reproductive system. So far, the responses seem to be either: "Hmm. Who really knows? What do you think?" or this: "THOSE DAMN SCIENTISTS! How DARE they try to tell me to relax!" Well, perhaps responses are not really that hostile, but I'm exaggerating for effect, you know.

And I do know. It is so incredibly frustrating to have a person look at you, and (essentially) call you stupid for not "just relax"-ing (or telling you to go to Austria to get knocked up...). It is so frickin' ridiculous to reduce a person's reproductive organs to nothing but a stress bundle that will work, if only you could get them to chill, dude.

BUT. Here's the thing. Research shows a very specific connection between adrenaline and general health (In general, I really hate about.com articles, but this one clearly and concisely explains some of those connections). Again, a connection, which is not necessarily a causal tie one direction or the other. It really is unknown at this point whether or not stress causes an increased instance of diabetes in those prone to it, or whether or not it's just some sort of as-yet-unknown syndrome of some sort that causes people with diabetes to have increased cortisol levels (indicative of high adrenaline, thus high stress, levels). What I mean is that it isn't known whether stress causes disease or whether disease causes increased cortisol levels.

But, it is most assuredly known that our hormones require an incredibly precise and delicate balance in order to achieve a healthy pregnancy. And we know that all kinds of different things affect that hormone balance (just ask a PCOS-er why a diabetes drug is used to treat ovarian cysts...). So, to me, it stands to reason that if stress causes an increase in cortisol (a hormone), and you are trying to achieve a state that relies on a delicate hormone balance (pregnancy), it could be beneficial to attempt to eliminate things that would throw off that hormone balance. In other words, JUST RELAX.... (Okay. I'm only kidding about that last bit, I promise)

But seriously, as I have explained on various blogs, here and there- my take is that I, personally, don't feel like doctors and scientists are trying to tell all the infertiles of the world that they're dumb and just need to relax to get pregnant. I take it as yet another factor that one can attempt to control in order to give oneself the best chance possible. We all know that there is no one single solution, but yet we all cheer each other on as we try whatever new thing. I don't hear anyone being up in arms over someone choosing acupuncture- so why be up in arms about someone saying that reducing stress can be good for you, and thus might (just MIIIIGHT) assist in conception.

And to say it once again, just to be exceedingly clear- I am in NO WAY saying that relaxing makes you get pregnant. I don't think that high stress levels are responsible for an inability for sperm to fertilize and egg. I don't think that stress causes a weak lining or diminished ovarian reserve or any other of a host of reasons for a lack of conception. But I am saying that logically, there is a tie, and thus, for me, I would think that if I was actually active in my WOMAB* process, that I would likely attempt to meditate a bit more during times that I'm feeling frazzled, that I would try (but likely not succeed) to keep the typical crap from getting under my skin like I am prone to do, occasionally (if by 'occasionally', I mean 'almost all the time'). I would try as best I could to reduce stress in the off chance that I could get my whole body to cooperate with me in the WOMAB process.

As it stands, I am trying to do whatever I can to keep the stress of a full-time job and full-time school and all the rest of life from crumbling me. I see it's physical effects in the spare tire that will not go away despite exercise that has left the rest of me nice and lean. I feel the brain-aches I get around 2:00 pm, right when I think I'm finally about to lose my marbles every day at work. I notice the twist in my spine, my terrible posture, the clinching of my shoulders when I'm working under a deadline on something that I just can't solve. And counter to that, I also notice the absence of all these things, a dissolving of the tension somewhere around Saturday morning. I notice a lack of tightness, a loosening of my limbs, a return of my libido, a deep, freeing breath that opens my chest cavity and reminds me of what it's like to really, REALLY breathe. And I can't deny that spending 5 days a week balled up has to be terrible for my whole body, for my whole soul.


So, sure. Count me as one of those hippies telling everyone to chill. Count me as one of the freakos blathering on and on about spirit and mind-body harmony and connectivity. Count me as someone who sees from personal experience the way that stress can mess with you. But I assure you, I will never be counted as someone who thinks that this is the magical cure we've all been waiting for. And I will never be heard among those idiotic voices yelling at everyone to "just relax". And I hope that this post is taken in that way.

What do you think? Is this just a bunch of bullshit? Am I the biggest damn idiot in the world for buying into it? Are you personally offended by my allegiance to this theory? Have I just RUINED our internet friendship FOREVER? Is this worse than that time I said I didn't really care for B.arack Ob.ama? Really? Worse than that? Shit. I'm sorry. Damn. I'm such a fuck up (just ask my mom...).



*that would be "working on making a baby" for the uninitiated...